April Foolishness

Early Spring!

What a glorious time of year!

It’s the time when the snow finally melts away… well, at least the snow that still has some level of representation in the water:poisonous emissions ratio. That last bit of hybrid pollu-snow that hangs around roadaways and sidewalks (aka - the only places people are exposed to) doesn’t pick up on the hints to scram until it’s all a little embarassing - like a socially inappropriate friend you never really liked to begin with that always seems to be around.

Even still, in early spring a lot of the snow does melt and we say, “Oh good! Look! The snow is melting!” until we realize we made the same mistake we did last year, and the year before and the year before.

We forgot that when that snow is gone, we'll be left with the ground's awkward phase where turns into questionable swamp-like mud-grass anad listens to a lot of death metal. I think the ground is bitter for being forced to live under the snow all winter, so its acting out to teach us a lesson by stealing our shoes if we try to walk on it.

There are also those awful transition days.

Those awful transition days usually begin by layering your clothing, as usual, in preparation for a typical winter-y day. They end with you panting, peeling those layers off, not feeling the least bit happy about the new-found warm weather because you walked home from school, up hill, in a wool sweater and heavy coat and as a result felt sticky and feverish (okay, maybe that one is a bit too specific).

But the point is: transition days – happen to the best of us; are horrible.

(I wonder if any of that punctuation was used correctly)

We also forgot about an entire season’s worth of animal crap piling up under that snow, all waiting to be thawed at once in a violent and unprovoked attack on our sense of smell. It's not a constant barrage though. We just get whiffs of it in random intervals, which is worse because it doesn't allow for accustomization. Plus, every time it happens we have to inspect the soles of our shoes until we've done it so often, we start accepting that we might be losing our minds.

I have a message for Spring:

I'm watching you, Spring, and I see what you're doing. You are taking advantage of the population's vulnerabale emotional and mental state as it comes out of the gloom of Winter, and you're trying to exert control over us using vicious head games. Well, Listen, Spring. We don't need that kind of drama in our lives, okay? So, take it somewhere else. Thanks.

ps- you ruined my favourite shoe. I expect a formal apology on my desk by Monday.